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Eventually I convinced him to go to the Mankind New Warrior Weekend, a workshop for gay, straight and bi-attractional men. This weekend was about initiation. If you want the best gay porn sites for straight men gay porn, you need to come to softball-bats.us! We have a list of the Go To softball-bats.us Right Now!. Watch ready-made Straight gay porn videos in HD quality for free at softball-bats.us . Have A Go appears to be To Be That Time For those 2 Straight males

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Through therapy he discovered his feelings of loss that his father was not around more for him leaving him with this castrating emasculating mother. This all matched up with how his father allowed his wife to treat him, never protecting him from her verbal abuse.

In John's mind, body builders were "real men. He tried to stop using pornography. We agreed that he might be a sexual addict. Most men don't need to examine their past history, when their sexual behavior isn't interfering with their lives. John, struggling with sexual compulsion, was forced to examine his sexual fantasies in order to decode his acting-out. He began to recognize that his compulsive interest in bodybuilders was his attempt to get closer to a stronger father figure, since his own had been weak and impotent.

This helped us both understand why his bodybuilding men had to be straight or bisexual-being that his father was a heterosexual man in relationship with a woman. During his therapy, John complained that I wasn't giving him enough time. If he wanted more time with me, he'd make attempts to call me and not want to pay.

He'd get upset when I charged him for longer sessions, or not lower my fee if he came more than once a week. He also said I should work out more and that I was out of shape for a gay man. I listened for the themes and the negative transference here and pointed out how John was projecting his father's "lack of time" for him onto me. At first these interpretations angered him. He thought I was defending myself and minimizing his needs-more of the negative transference.

Through the therapy, I allowed for the negative transference toward me as a therapeutic tool. To help him more, I ultimately placed him in a gay men's group therapy in addition to his individual therapy. Current research shows that the best intervention for sexual addiction is individual, group and step meetings.

Relational healing is what is needed for this intimacy disorder. At one SAA meeting there was a gay body builder and John began to "fall in love" with him. This went against John's template of being interested only in straight or bisexual bodybuilders.

Here was an opportunity to heal some of his compulsion and challenge his belief that he couldn't be attracted to gay men. Unfortunately, John's distraction by this particular group member kept him from engaging with the other group members or using the meetings effectively. But this mirrored what he did in life. His preoccupation with pornographic images prevented him from developing healthy relationships. This was pointed out to him at the meetings, and he was challenged to either use the meetings the way they are intended, or be asked to leave the group.

John was forced to make a decision. Would he let himself do the work he needed to and not let a "bodybuilder" distract him? Through both the feelings he had toward this group member and me, he began to recognize that in fact they were transference of his feelings toward his father.

While at first this felt shameful, he ultimately realized it was his shame of being neglected by a father who wasn't there for him. I encouraged him to go to his father and make attempts at connecting with him.

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I told him it didn't matter what his father did with these repair attempts, because John was healing himself by going to his original source of pain and dealing with his feelings. We role-played various ways, with group members playing the role of John's "as if" father. With the group's help and support, he was willing to do this. Ultimately, his father wasn't able-or interested-to talk about John's feelings and validate them. At first, this was devastating. John came back to individual and group therapy, crying and angry about his father's responses.

But in group, he was less and less preoccupied with the bodybuilder and stopped asking for more time with me.

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His compulsion to act out sexually subsided. He went for longer and longer periods without using porn. Ultimately he met another man and began dating. While his interest in porn was still there, it no longer ruled his life. Some men actually have aversions to gay sex and gay porn.

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They are either asexual or, as Patrick Carnes calls it, sexually anorexic. They show little to no interest in sex, and if the subject is addressed, it is repulsive to them. At times they have sexual binges but afterward, they are disgusted.

Tony was a year-old gay man who came to see me, struggling with being gay. He was in a five-year sexless relationship with another man, and bothered by the lack of sex and intimacy with his partner. He was sexual with himself occasionally and used pornography while masturbating, but afterward would feel ashamed and disgusted with himself.

He came from a strong religious Catholic family who never accepted his being gay. His sister forbade him from seeing his nephews as long as he was in a "homosexual relationship.

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He had difficulty self-identifying as gay. He was able to see that being sexual with himself or his partner would go against his family's messages.

I placed Tony in my gay men's group to help him with his internal homophobic feelings. In dealing with his sexual anorexia, I asked that he bring in some of his porn that he had at home. My thoughts were to begin a pathway of him bringing what and who he was from underground. At first, Tony was vehemently against this It took approximately one year of exploring and talking about this before he was willing to do it.

He worried that I was trying to "get off" on his stash of porn, or that the group would do the same. I checked out if the group would support him and witness his sexuality. It was important that no one make fun of him or judge him harshly rather to witness and establish a "rite of passage" into what he enjoyed sexually.

Everyone agreed, and we created a "sacred space" around it to ritualize it. Shaking, sweating, riddled with anxiety, Tony brought in his porn magazines and showed us what turned him on the most. This was his work for a while, as he came in and showed us the images he enjoyed. He hadn't told his partner that he even had porn. I recommended that he do so. This took another six months. With Tony, I believe we were dealing with an intimacy disorder.

He couldn't be "witnessed" as gay in his family. The closer he was to his partner, the more obvious his gay orientation would be, separating him from his family even more. Tony was really less afraid of being gay than of what his family thought of him. I encouraged Tony to stand up to his family about who he was as a gay man.

He admitted he wasn't up for any of that! This would involve a high level of separation anxiety. Thus his sexuality remained stunted, and his relationship to his partner asexual. At times, prescribing gay pornography to a client has been counterproductive.

Josh, 35 years old, had been partnered for 5 years-and was addicted to Internet chat rooms where he would contact and ultimately meet other gay men. His boss threatened to fire him after catching him in a chat room online at work. A dedicated employee, he still found himself unable to stop putting his job at risk; and his partner also pressured him to get help.

With me, Josh was glad to have identified his problem as sexual addiction. But after some time in group therapy, individual therapy and Sex Addicts Anonymous, he found himself unable to get aroused or stay erect with his partner.

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He couldn't talk about his sexual fantasies with the group his partner or me. He also had a stash of pornography that involved bondage. I encouraged him to talk about his fantasies and interests with his partner, show him his pornography, to look at it together, and bring it into their sex play. These suggestions angered him. He felt I was going against the SAA program and viewed pornography as one of his boundaries.

I told him I don't think porn has to be a boundary for everyone. I honored that that was how he saw it, but challenged his thinking. Could it be helpful in being sexual again with his partner?

I was trying to normalize it for him. Instead, it alienated him. I like Sex Addicts Anonymous's philosophy that what's a sexual boundary for one person may not be for another.

But Josh didn't, and felt that anything sexual outside the context of his relationship was counterproductive and shameful to him. Even after I stopped suggesting he bring his pornography into the bedroom with his partner, Josh became increasingly angry with me. Ultimately, he found another therapist and transferred out of group and individual with me. One of the gay male community's best features is our free expression of sexuality.

X-rated videos and DVDs are seen as a normal if not mandatory! This isn't just a gay issue, but a "guy" issue-whether gay, bi-attractional or heterosexual, men are men. If straight guys were more honest, they would talk openly about the porn they enjoy and share their favorite sexual fantasies. Many gay men feel a healthy entitlement to their sexuality-as do men in general, in our society. It is part of our conditioning.

As males, we're granted much more permission to be sexual than women are. But that our sexuality can be an obstacle and get in our way if we have a sense of entitlement at the expense of our partners. But before it can be identified as a problem, something to heal, one has to ask: Is it interfering in my life? Marty and Sam came to me about Marty's use of pornography.

Sam believed that Marty was a sex addict and in denial. He felt Marty was comparing him to the images he looked at, even though Marty never made verbal comparisons.

Marty insisted he didn't have a sexual addiction and wouldn't stop buying and viewing his porn. He felt the problem was that Sam was a prude. Throughout his childhood, Sam's father had many extramarital affairs, and Sam found his pornography around the house.

Marty, on the other hand, came from a very religious household that never talked at all about sex and sexuality. Just because someone views pornography, he doesn't instantly have a problem.

But I do believe that if one partner is bothered by the other's viewing porn, then there's a problem in the relationship, and I tell the couple so. In Sam and Marty's case, since Sam had a problem with Marty's porn use, they both had a problem. What a couple wants to do around sexuality or anything else, for that matter isn't for me to judge.

I have opinions, will share them with my clients, but in the end, I promote couples-as I did with Marty and Sam-to talk openly and honestly to one another about what they both want in their relationship. To problems like this, a cookie-cutter approach isn't appropriate for all couples. I take into account both partners, their backgrounds, and try to get both to see how that's contributing to the problem. Sam might have been over-reacting to Marty's porn due to his own father's sexual behavior.

Marty might have taken a stand against Sam's because when he grew up, sexuality wasn't addressed or allowed.

Through Sam, he may have been rebelling against his family. In therapy with them, I told them both my thoughts. I also did a thorough evaluation of Marty's sexual past.

Was he acting out past sexual abuse? Was this really sexual addiction? Some feminists hold that objectifying others isn't healthy, but I think using porn recreationally can be a healthy outlet. It's safe, fun, and adds sexual excitement. The stimulation of viewing sexual images can prevent cheating outside the relationship.

Some partners, like Sam, see the looking at porn as a form of cheating, in itself. But again, this is a case-by-case assessment, as for some couples, pornography can be used as an emotional and psychological exit from the relationship. For Sam and Marty, I didn't think this was the case. There was no indication that Marty was abusing porn or letting it take away from their relationship.

Even Sam agreed that Marty was available, present and receptive to his sexual advances and activities. With Sam, I explored the growth opportunity to allow Marty the ability to look at porn and to trust that this wouldn't send him off to cheat, like Sam's father. This was a chance for him to soothe himself, without needing Marty to calm him with compliance. I also helped Sam see the advantage of having a partner be honest and open about his using porn, and how many other couples sneak and hide this behavior, like his father.

Again, I invited Sam and Marty to view the porn together. Both were uncomfortable with that idea, Sam more than Marty, and so decided against it. By the end of treatment, Sam was getting used to Marty's pornographic use, and assuring himself that Marty was not his father. If the use became out of control, he'd address it then. Marty was willing to cut down his use-even though the frequency and amount were low to start with. Some or more of this is controversial, I know.

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But as therapists, we're still pioneers in how to deal and what to do with sexuality. Pornography is exploding on the Internet these days, and isn't going away. People with intimacy disorders are inclined to go online and get a distorted view of what sexuality is.

To me, the key to me is exploring with the client what it means to him. It's also about asking him to provide every detail of what he's looking at and for me, as therapist, to listen with a nonsexual ear. When a client talks about what kind of porn he looks at, I'm listening not so much to the data as I'm thinking about what it represents for him.

I strongly believe that sexual behavior and fantasy are an extension of our inner core-windows into another facet of who we are. Whatever gives you the greatest pleasure sexually is information about you.

It's telling a story-not necessarily on a conscious level. Regardless of your fantasies and what type of porn you enjoy, it's helpful to translate those fantasies into reality, albeit in nonsexual ways.

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You'll find parts of yourself that you've been seeking. If a client enjoys fantasies about straight men, I suggest that he explore his relationships with important and influential straight men in his life, starting with his father.

The answers could encourage him to find ways to make friends with straight men and accomplish some personal healing. This was the case with my client John viewing images of "straight" bodybuilders.

If a client enjoys being disciplined and spanked, then exploring how he was or was not disciplined as a child-and how he's disciplined in his life today-helps determine if he's trying to reconcile something he didn't get enough of or too much of.

Another client said he enjoyed watching porn films of group-sex orgies, where "the men are insatiable and can never get enough. This particular client never felt he belonged. After I encouraged he look at his sexual fantasy as a way of resolving that issue, he was motivated to find groups where he could feel comfortable, contribute, and receive from others. The other side to this issue is being like Sam, the partner of someone who enjoys porn.

His reaction particularly his over-reaction to the sexual expression was a window for him to examine his past and his inner self. Sam was able to use the opportunity with Marty's porn use as a way to heal old wounds with his father. Pornography isn't bad or wrong, but even those whose sexual behavior is within normal limits can examine the underpinnings of his fantasy and see, as through a sexual window, who he is.

For the sexual addict, decoding his fantasies can often reduce, if not eliminate, compulsive behavior as well as be a window into who he is. But soon enough, the chance to make even more money became too enticing. Supplied Like most straight men in the industry, Curtis started out with solo masturbation scenes, and graduated to hardcore sex. Popular gay porn websites including SeanCody. He realised this was increasingly reflected in both mainstream movies Brokeback Mountain, Dallas Buyers Club and porn.

Calling somebody gay is often used as a derogatory comment. And can the performers really call themselves straight? Gay porn studios promote their stars as straight, and websites like SeanCody. Supplied Curtis says the fact he began enjoying the feeling caused him confusion about his sexuality. Stars may work one weekend a month, and spend the rest of the time socialising, going to the gym and holidaying.

They can explore their sexuality while justifying it as simply a way to earn money. Anyone questioning their identity might be safer doing it away from a camera, particularly in the age of the internet. Others are relaxed about being on a spectrum. Documentary director Charlie David asks whether the reason gay porn audiences fetishise hypermasculinity is because of internalised homophobia. Supplied It looks like this business is here to stay.